Did You Know?

• Joining the Denver Obscurantism Society is likely to provide your body with a necessary supply of iodide. Nine out of ten physicians recommend attending a DOS meeting, because they've all been infected with the DOS scourge, from which there is no return.
• We don't know who N. Senada is. Please stop calling the official DOS tip line and asking if we've seen him during our annual filth picnic, because his route likely doesn't coincide with ours and even if it did, we wouldn't have any grapes to spare for him. We do, however, wish Mr. Senada the best of luck on his transcontinental voyage to Walt's Airport Mattress shop in Thousand Oaks. We will remain up-to-speed on his whereabouts using NORAD's famous N. Senada tracker.
• The Denver Obscurantism Society works tirelessly to keep our evil shrine, the Cheesman Park Pavilion, in good condition and conducive to transdimensional activity. When in its presence, keep your eyes peeled for portals forming between the pillars, or Phil Swift roaming the premises screaming at the top of his lungs about all the damage he's about to cause.
• The DOS is a part of this complete breakfast!
• What is wrong with you? What's wrong with me? What's your problem? Are we having fun yet?
• We encourage people to go out in the rain and look up at all the drops falling, lit by the streetlamps, fat and viscous, condensating on your face with atmospheric fury. After this process, if you're not philosophically enlightened, you will at the very least be extremely drenched. That is a guarantee!
• The DOS logo is like the normal Denver flag, except instead of the sun it has a spiral.
• Sharp cookie, like an oven
• We put all other secret societies to shame. The Freemasons, Illuminati, and Anonymous all wish they were half as cool as us. We are the secret society that gives you the most bang for your buck! The most pep in your step! The most glide in your stride! And other various perks!
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• Once you pop the DOS, there isn't any stopping the DOS. You might try to pull a Eugene Belford on us and prevent us from filling up the entirety of Denver with a Jello-esque substance using your lightning-fast coding acumen, but we got news for you: That ain't going to happen, pal.
• If you read this, it's too late.
• The famous glow orbs located on the roof of the Pavilion produce up to 120 tons of glow-sludge annually.
• The Denver Obscurantism Society is likely one of the most important cultural movements around Denver (there is no substantive way of measuring this), and at least 80% of its members have been to Denver International Airport for some unspecified reason.
• If you know what DOS is, you have a much better chance of surviving on Wadsworth Boulevard during the starving period.